Top Ten Tips for Horror Movie Actors/Actresses

 No matter if the killer is a psychotic freak, a monster or an alien, there are universal truths about every horror movie:

10.  When the musical score suddenly gets quiet, expect all hell to break loose and to be frightened out of your mind.

 9.  When the killer is chasing you, anticipate tripping and falling at least twice (more if you’re female). Notice that even though you are running for all you’re worth, the killer keeps up by merely strolling along.

8.  When you finally reach your car to make your escape, you will have trouble finding your keys.  Once you find them, you will fumble with them and drop them at least once. No matter how reliable your car has been in the past, the engine just won’t turn over as you watch the killer approaching.

7.  When the local sheriff, nosy neighbor, etc. arrives to rescue you, be prepared to not only witness them being killed by the monster but to also trip over their mutilated body later.

6.  Remember that when a killer is on the loose and the lights go out, there are better times to explore a dark basement.

5.  If you are with a group of people, don’t split up under any circumstances.  This goes double if you are horny teenagers looking for a place to make out.

4.  If you hear a strange sound, investigate and find it was only the cat, leave as quickly as you can.  Something big and terrible is coming your way.

3.  If you discover your new house used to be occupied by Satanists, was the scene of a horrific crime or built on top of an Indian burial ground, do yourself a favor and move before the walls start bleeding and the gateway to hell opens up in your basement.

2.  When trying to call for help, expect your mobile phone to have a dead battery or have no reception.  Also, assume your home phone line will be dead, so don’t waste time yelling into the receiver while the killer sneaks up behind you.

And the number one truth about horror movies:

 
1. When you think you’ve killed the monster, never check to see if he’s really dead.  Likewise, if you drop the weapon you used to “kill” him and then turn your back on him, you deserve to be the next victim.