I try not to cuss, but when I get behind the wheel and have
to deal with all the morons on the road, I just can’t help it. I become the world’s biggest hater, and yet
after all this time, I’m still amazed at the depth of stupidity I witness
everyday. Here are some of the things I
really hate:
- People not waiting their turn at
a four-way stop – You know,
most people learned to count to four before they started school. If
they’re too stupid to count to four, then maybe they shouldn’t be driving
at all.
- People who pull out right in
front of you when there is no one behind you for a half-mile, then proceed
to drag ass – If they weren’t
in any kind of hurry, then why the #@*! did they bust ass to pull out in
front of me? A similar driver is the one who speeds past you on the
highway, only to get in front of you, pull into your lane and then go
slower than you.
- People who can’t keep their
vehicle in their own lane (especially scary when meeting someone head on)
– Those lines are there for a
reason, people. They’re not just suggestions.
- People who turn on their turn
signal only after they’ve started turning – Did they just discover that feature on their cars?
- People who ride my ass in
bumper-to-bumper traffic – Yeah,
like that’s going to make the 200 cars in front of me go any faster.
- People
who take up two parking places near the building so no one will ding their
car – Here’s
a tip: parking far away from the
building where no one else parks is just as effective
- Drivers with gray hair,
especially gray hair under a hat of any kind – I’m not picking on old people, but I’ve witnessed all kinds of
scary stuff when a geriatric was behind the wheel.
- People who drive their trucks
like they are in race cars – I
guess they don’t realize how silly they look peeling out in a dooley or
going 95 mph in their Ford Super Duty. And while we’re at it…
- People who drive trucks and
don’t work on a ranch, haul big items, go off-roading, etc. – What’s the point? I know plenty of people who drive their
trucks back and forth to work in downtown Dallas…and that’s it. The worst has to be those SUV/truck
combos that are useless as both.
- People who use the shoulder as a
lane, especially in heavy traffic – Sit in rush hour traffic anywhere and you’ll see this. Shame also on those drivers who let
these morons back in the flow of traffic.
- People who hit their brakes for
no apparent reason at all – You
know the type. Maybe they saw a
police car on the other side of the freeway, traveling in the opposite
direction. Maybe a slow song came
on the radio. Maybe it looks like
it might rain soon. Who knows?
- People driving erratically
because they are on their mobile phone – If you can’t drive safely and talk at the same time, then STFU and
drive. PERIOD. Double shame on the
a-holes who like to text while behind the wheel.
- People who cut across multiple
lanes and lines in parking lots – OK, I’ll admit I’ve done this before, but I am at least aware that
other drivers may also be driving
in the lot. Apparently this
thought does not occur to everyone.
- Women in large, expensive SUVs –
I see an awful lot of this
where I live. Most of these
bottle-blonde bozos can’t see past their designer sunglasses and
surgically altered noses, much less past the hoods of the monstrosities
they try to drive. Bonus points if
you see one of these women not talking on her mobile phone or applying
make-up, or both.
- People who play music in their
cars so loud that I can hear it in my car (or my house!) – I couldn’t care less if they go deaf,
but it’s frightening to think that they are totally distracted by the
noise
- People who drive inappropriate
speeds – This applies to
those idiots who speed in my neighborhood, people driving 50 mph in the
fast lane and the like.
