The Hunger Games, Starring Local Moviegoers

This weekend, my Princess and I went to see The Hunger Games at our local theatre.  We showed up 45 minutes before showtime only to be told the 2:10 showing was sold out.  We then bought tickets to the next showing an hour later.  Fast forward to 30 minutes before the 3:10 showing when we entered the theatre that was already over 1/3 full.  We selected a row that had 5 empty seats on the aisle.  Princess left an empty seat next to the person already sitting there, and I sat next to her, leaving two empty seats between me and the aisle.  Since I didn’t want cinemuck on the bottom of my purse, I placed it in the seat next to mine instead of on the floor.

Right before the previews started, I decided to visit the restroom since the movie is nearly two-and-a-half hours long. As I was getting up, a woman in her mid-thirties asked me if the seats next to me were taken.  I said no, moved my purse into my seat and left the theatre.  When I came back, the seats were still empty. Princess said, “That woman who was here when you left was rude to me.”  As I was processing this information, said woman, a.k.a. “The Bitch”, known from this point as B, appeared beside me with her hands on her hips.  She loudly stated, “So is she going to move down or WHAT?!?”  I responded with an “Excuse me??”  B responded, “I asked her to move down a seat so me and my three friends could sit here, and she said she wouldn’t move until you got back.  So is she moving or what?”  After I smirked and rolled my eyes at B, Princess and I moved down one seat while I wondered how they planned to fit 4 asses into three seats. 

B plopped down in my old seat, then whipped around and said, “Why do you have to be like that?” I considered her for a second, then said, “Look. We moved down like you asked, even after you were rude to my daughter. Have a seat and enjoy the movie.” Her reply was, “Well, she said she wouldn’t move down until you got back, which I thought was rather ODD.”  Oh B, you don’t want to insult my daughter twice.  My response? “Well, I think it’s rather ODD that you and your friends come into a popular movie right before it starts and expect everyone to accommodate you.  If you and your three friends wanted to sit together, you should have gotten here early like the rest of us.”  B, clearly flustered, started blubbering about their busy schedule, when one of her cronies said, “Let’s just find somewhere else.”  Maybe she had figured out the 4 asses:3 seats ratio. B and her posse left in a huff, brushing rudely against an older man and woman who asked if the seats next to me were taken.  I said, “I would be HAPPY for you to take those seats!”  At this point, the six people sitting in the row directly in front of us turned around and applauded…I kid you not.  I’m guessing they had heard how rude B was to my Princess because they all said I did the right thing by standing up to an obnoxious person like her.

I know Miss Manners would never approve of my behavior, but nobody disrespects my Princess without the Mama Bear in me coming out, claws and all.  Fast forward to the end of the movie – Princess and I were waiting at our seats for the theatre to clear out so we could leave.  A man who had been sitting a couple of rows back walked up to me and said, “I just wanted you to know how much I admire you putting that spoiled brat in her place.  People like her need to be taught they can’t always get their way.”

For a moment, just for a moment, I felt a little like Katniss, unwillingly placed at odds against her peers, protecting Rue, and winning not only the Game but the respect of the people.

Only kidding.  I just felt I needed to at least mention something about the movie since its name is in my title. J

Oddly, it wasn't teenagers who were being obnoxious.

Top Ten Tips for Horror Movie Actors/Actresses

 No matter if the killer is a psychotic freak, a monster or an alien, there are universal truths about every horror movie:

10.  When the musical score suddenly gets quiet, expect all hell to break loose and to be frightened out of your mind.

 9.  When the killer is chasing you, anticipate tripping and falling at least twice (more if you’re female). Notice that even though you are running for all you’re worth, the killer keeps up by merely strolling along.

8.  When you finally reach your car to make your escape, you will have trouble finding your keys.  Once you find them, you will fumble with them and drop them at least once. No matter how reliable your car has been in the past, the engine just won’t turn over as you watch the killer approaching.

7.  When the local sheriff, nosy neighbor, etc. arrives to rescue you, be prepared to not only witness them being killed by the monster but to also trip over their mutilated body later.

6.  Remember that when a killer is on the loose and the lights go out, there are better times to explore a dark basement.

5.  If you are with a group of people, don’t split up under any circumstances.  This goes double if you are horny teenagers looking for a place to make out.

4.  If you hear a strange sound, investigate and find it was only the cat, leave as quickly as you can.  Something big and terrible is coming your way.

3.  If you discover your new house used to be occupied by Satanists, was the scene of a horrific crime or built on top of an Indian burial ground, do yourself a favor and move before the walls start bleeding and the gateway to hell opens up in your basement.

2.  When trying to call for help, expect your mobile phone to have a dead battery or have no reception.  Also, assume your home phone line will be dead, so don’t waste time yelling into the receiver while the killer sneaks up behind you.

And the number one truth about horror movies:

 
1. When you think you’ve killed the monster, never check to see if he’s really dead.  Likewise, if you drop the weapon you used to “kill” him and then turn your back on him, you deserve to be the next victim.