Commercials That Miss the Mark (Part 2)

A few days ago, I posted about several commercials that didn’t make sense to me for some reason or another.  Here are some more commercials that four out of five psychiatrists agree you’d have to be certifiably crazy to enjoy.

Nationwide Insurance – In this vomit-inducing series of ads, Nationwide shows their self-proclaimed “The World’s Greatest Spokesperson in the World” explaining various features of insurance products.  Then he starts crooning the “Nationwide is on your side” tune, often challenging his victims to sing more out of tune than he is.  Awesome.

And while we’re on the subject of singing…

My heart dies a little bit every time a commercial comes on that features a warbly-voiced woman screeching out a tune in the background.  The two biggest offenders lately are the Truvia and Citi card ads.  There isn’t enough Clorox on the planet to brain-bleach those craptastic renditions out of my head. 

Even the guitar-strumming lesbians at Starbucks on Tuesday nights sing better songs than this.

Since somebody left the gate open, take your lame voice and ass through it and leave.

 

Amazon.com – A woman is walking, presumably home from work, down a street in what appears to be a large city.  Surprise #1: There’s a package from Amazon.com clearly marked with the Kindle logo leaning against her front door.  Surprise #2: It’s still there after being out in the open in a busy urban area all day.  Surprise #3: She pulls her Kindle Fire out of the box right there on her steps, magically boots it up without benefit of charging the battery and surfs through apps that she’d have to download to get. 



Rice Krispies – If there is anything more fun than eating Rice Krispies Treats, it’s making them.  Now both things are unappealing to me after seeing the commercial where the Mom is helping her kids make a batch of Treats.  Little kids are notorious for not always washing their hands after using the bathroom or picking their noses, and watching these waifs simultaneously eat handfuls of Krispies and mashing the marshmallow mush between their fingers makes me sick.  I’m not the only one.  At one point, the little kid touches a  particular treat and proudly states, “This one’s for Daddy!”  I hope Daddy enjoys diarrhea.

Another cereal commercial that makes me shake my head is for Cinnamon Toast Crunch.  One piece of cereal stands on the edge of the bowl and eats another piece out of the milk.  Cereal cannibalism, anyone?  Even stranger, this Hannibal Lector of cereal has its own Facebook page.

“But Wait, There’s More!!!!!” commercials – First, the voiceover excitedly explains what the product is and how amazing it is that you have lived your life this long without it.  A price is given.  But Wait, There’s More!!!!! Now you have the opportunity to own not one, but TWO, products! Just pay separate shipping and handling! If I didn’t want one Lint Lizard or Pasta Boat pasta strainer, why the hell would I want two?  Especially if I’m paying separate shipping and handling – translation…send us an additional $11.99 so we can send you your free gift.  Sign me up for that.

As hard as it may be to believe, there are commercials out there that I enjoy watching (or ones that don’t irritate the crap out of me).  I’ll explore those in a future blog entry.  Stay tuned.



Commercials That Miss the Mark (Part 1)

We can all agree that there are plenty of annoying commercials on TV.  Some are irritating because of their content, others because of the number of times they are shown.  In fact, there are so many stupid commercials that I can’t possibly discuss them in just one blog entry.
 

So here we go with Part 1. These commercials have elements that distract me from whatever product or service they are shilling:

Totino Pizza Rolls – At least I think that’s what they are selling.  I’m too distracted by the kid talking to his mother on the phone to know for sure.  First, he can’t find the pizza rolls in the freezer, even though they are two inches from his face.  Second, he nods at the phone like his mom can see him.  By the time this moron leaves the phone in the freezer, I’m wondering why his mother trusts him to safely use the microwave at all.

ATT U-verse Home Bundle – On Career Day, a cable guy has taken time out of his busy schedule to perform a community service for a local school.  How is his generosity rewarded?  Some snooty brat tells him how inferior his service is to AT&T’s and argues with him when he tries to explain what he offers.  The teacher not only tolerates the brat’s disrespectful behavior, but she also joins in to ridicule the guy. I get that AT&T just wants to compare and contrast their bundles with those offered by cable companies, but watching smug kids embarrass an adult doesn’t sell me anything.

ATT Wireless Internet – I’m not picking on AT&T, but they have another commercial featuring a child getting all high and mighty on an adult.  This time, a father is looking for his computer cord.  The mother very nicely explains that they now have wireless internet at home and on the go.  The daughter’s only contributions come in the form of two snarky remarks to Dad (“It’s an invisible cord, Dad!” and “The cord’s really long, Dad!”) Dad ought to remind her who pays for the internet service and take it away until she can learn some respect.

Temptations by Jell-O – Kids aren’t the only ones misbehaving in commercials. Here, a mother is telling her children a story about a chocobeast monster or some such nonsense that attacks children who steal Temptations from their parents.  The chocobeast (Dad) suddenly appears, scaring the poor kids senseless.  It’s ironic that a product marketed directly at adults is using such juvenile means to do so.  Maybe Mom and Dad should have spent time at the grocery store buying snacks for the whole family instead of scarring their children for life over Jell-O.

Check back soon when I dissect commercials from Nationwide, Amazon.com, Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal and others.

What commercials do you love to hate?  Let me know in the comments and they might appear in a future blog entry.